Yo, been a minute since I logged in to The Jitney to talk Miami Heat basketball. But I gotta spit out some wisdom after hearing a lot of stupidity about Jimmy Butler and why he want to get traded form the Heat.
For real, I had to put the smack down on my homie, Javi. He saying Jimmy Butler want to get traded because Pat Riley saying he washed and he gotta earn a new contract.
Come on yo, you been watching Jimmy play for the Heat. Jimmy Butler lives, eats, and fucks basketballs. You think he going to cry because Riley said to try harder? Doubt fuels Jimmy. After Riles called out Jimmy last summer, Jimmy Butler be like yeah I do gotta earn that contract.
So what changed?
It was that ugly ass Dwyane Wade statue they put in front of the arena.
Dwyane Wade is a suave mf’er. So why they do him dirty and put a permanent sculpture that makes him look like that weird bald guy from The Goonies? That statue is disturbing.
Imagine being Jimmy Butler walking by that every single day and worrying if you do win a championship this year, what kind of an ugly statue they put of you? They going to make me look deformed too? I gotta get out of here before I win the Heat another championship and they make me look like Gumby. That statue taking away all his joy.
I explain all this to Javi and he be looking at me like I was ridiculous. He told me “Dwyane Wade picked out that statue.”
That’s when I had to drop the knowledge this was a sabotage. I can’t stand it, but Dwyane Wade planned it. Wade is now the co-owner of the Utah Jazz. He going to do anything he can to f up his opponents including dropping an ugly deuce of a statue in front of the Miami Heat’s arena to make them look foolish.
The evil plan worked.
Now Jimmy Butler want to get out of here.
The Miami Heat need to drop that statue at the bottom of Biscayne Bay and let all them hammerhead sharks shit on it. Then Jimmy Butler can come back to work and the Miami Heat can win another championship.
