I hate the cockroach. Drivers that cut you off without concern deserve a special place in hell. But there is no creature lurking in the shadows of South Florida that I hate as much as the bicycle thief. Nothing is as fun and freeing as cycling around, but there are countless creeps among us who do all they can to rob you of that joy.
It is like that old Jerry Seinfeld joke, “Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene.” That’s how I feel the bicycle thief guild works.
However much time and care you put into keeping your bicycle securely locked, they find a way to take it. It can be a hardcore u-lock or a heavy bundle of chains, but they find a way to take what is yours.
I’ve had them break into my car to take a bike, I’ve had them take it in broad daylight, and right in front of my front window. One time we biked to the movies, locked up the bike and they took the seat. We got it replaced and took off the seat whenever we parked it. The next week they decided to take the whole bike. But at least we still had the seat.
I registered a bike with the police department as they recommended. When that bike eventually got stolen, I went to the police department to report it. They told me not to hold my breath.
My favorite story was about a woman who parked her bike in her apartment building’s garage. One morning she noticed her bike was gone. There was a security camera that filmed a thief using some kind of torch to melt the lock. She gave the footage to the police who also told her not to hold her breath.
One day walking around the neighborhood, she saw the thief with her bicycle. She called the cops. They told her they couldn’t do anything. And so she followed the bicycle thief. She saw him go to a convenience store and left her bike unlocked. She ran for her bike and pedaled as fast as she could. When in Miami…
