Let’s Talk About Death

Let’s talk about death baby, lets talk about you and me, lets talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let’s talk about death.

Too morbid?  People are very sketchy when it comes to this topic.  The majority  of my friends and family are wicked uncomfortable talking about it and planning for it.  Who the hell wants to do that?  Be reminded of my own mortality?  On purpose? Yikes, no thanks.  This is one reason why I became a grief coach. Grief and coping with it is often a topic of discussion with clients. How you think about your own exit plan is directly related to how you handle the death of a loved one.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  There are definitely behaviors and habits that can grow from experiencing grief/trauma.  Not all of them are healthy.  I met a death doula and wow, want to banish the anxiety around death-this is your girl.  You can be emotional and not have anxiety.  I had no idea.

I am 53 and am astounded at the amount of people at a similar age that have left us too soon.

I have always had a different attitude about death.

My own death and how I will go occasionally crosses my mind. TBH there were times, years ago, when I thought I would be better off dead, but would never act on that feeling. (hello depresh) I would love to hear from you about this. Do you think about death?  If yes, how often?  What are you thinking about it?  The details, when, where, why?  Do you create different scenarios?  Think about the people that will honor you at a memorial service or mass? What they are wearing?

Is there something physical going on with you that you aren’t talking to your doctor, spouse, friends or family about?  Does it make you nervous to think about finding out what it is?

Do you have a doctor? Do you have health insurance?  Is not having insurance preventing you from getting things checked out?  Is fear a factor?

Did you not believe in the power of sunscreen or the damage of smoking, drinking or drugging?  Can you quit these things at will?  Do you need help stopping?  Are you driving drunk?  Do you black out when drinking?  Would you take it upon yourself to seek help? Would your family, friends and loved ones begging you to stop help you do it? Has someone ever begged you to quit?  Have you been to rehab?  Do you sometimes think “holy shit, I think I need to go to rehab?” and then go out the next night or the night after that and get fucked up all over again?  Do your destructive habits affect your work life?  Your home life?  Your personal life? Do you lie to yourself and others how much you drink, smoke, snort, date narcissists, numb yourself?

Do you think that it can’t happen to you?

Do you think that the only one you are harming is yourself?  Do you think so little of  your self that you continue the toxic relationships with people, alcohol, food?  Do you feel alone and that no one will or does notice you?  That you, your actions and how you love yourself matters?  Do you have an age that you return to when you are faced with crisis in present day that you most likely experienced trauma and didn’t realize how it would effect the rest of your life and almost all decisions that you make because you were only 10 years old and just a friggin kid and really no one expected you to figure it out at that age?

Do you have trouble forgiving or are you resentful?  Do you ever think of suicide?  Do you think about how?  Do you not have thoughts of suicide but sometimes think that you wouldn’t mind being dead? Do you have a living will, life insurance, debt, children, parents, siblings, neighbors, sponsors, friends, coworkers, a dog, hobbies?

Is there something that you want to do, or try or explore?  Do you want to  cut as much negativity out of your life as possible?  Do you feel like a doormat and that you come second, third, fourth or fifth with loved ones?  Do you like it and  is it easier to stay there?  Stuck.  Unfulfilled.

Are you making the best use of your time?

Do you believe in continuing education?  Meditation?  Self care, boundaries? Are you interested in hearing more about these things?  Are you looking to improve, grow and have some peace in your life?  Do you love, I mean really LOVE yourself and know how beautifully badass you are? Want some encouragement and inspiration?  How about a community of women who are looking to live a life that they lead and love?  Want a more personal experience? Are you 100% responsible for your own happiness?  Is ok to get help?  Is it important to have the right people around you?

The answer to every single question has been a yes at some point in my life.

Can I help you?  The answer to that is yes too.

Now is the time to start.  Life is unpredictable.  Love is unpredictable, how much time we will all be here is unpredictable.

Find the ten seconds of courage needed to get in the game and take action. I am rooting for you.

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Mary C. Smith

Smart, funny, honest, practical and sometimes in-your-face advice on relationships, being single, finance, self care and life in the city. Catch her in action at IG @ohmygirlmedia