How to Fix the Ailing Miami Heat

Bro, what up with the Miami Heat? They losing all kinds of games.

Us Heat fans deserve better. We bringing it. We yelling “ref you suck”  louder than any other fans. So it’s a bunch of BS that we watching whack basketball. But yo don’t worry, I got the formula how the Heat can get back to being winners. Here my five keys to get the Heat back to where they belong, NBA champions.

Play Kyle Lowry More

Dawg, I was watching the Heat get their @$$e$ kicked by the Celtics Thursday night. They don’t play Kyle Lowry once. He exactly what the Heat needed. A point guard to slow the game down and get the ball to them right people.  And don’t tell me he hurt. I checked the injury report Kyle Lowry was nowhere on it. Coach Spo got to find a way to get Kyle Lowry more minutes.

Sit Tyler Herro on the Bench or Trade Him

Yo, I appreciate Tyler Herro fashion sense. Nobody look more fly for a white guy than Herro.

But come on bro all the Heat do when he play is lose. Last year he get hurt in the first game of the playoffs and the Heat start beating everybody.  The Heat spank the Bucks, spank the Knicks, they up 3-0 against the Celtics. Then all of a sudden everybody talking about Herro coming back, and Heat start losing.

He didn’t even play!

They just talk about him playing and Heat start losing. Yo he cursed.

This year he playing and Heat really losing. Get this Herro and his bad voodoo out of town ASAP!

Somebody Pick a Fight with Jimmy Butler

I love my boy Jimmy.

When I grow up I wanna be just like him.

But he not even trying this year. He skipping half the games and when he does play he walks instead of runs. Jimmy’s, a little bit like me, he always ready to scrap if somebody disrespect him. But everyone on all them other teams learned not to mess with Jimmy, they all being real nice and respectful to him.

Someone on the Heat got to wake him up. Put some hot sauce in his coffee. Steal some $h!t out of his locker. Call his abuela nasty names. Do something so he come back to being the Jimmy we all know and love.

Pat Riley Got to Make Some Halftime Speeches

Riles is the OG. What the point him being in the organization if you ain’t going to put him to use? It like having a private jet in your garage and not flying it nowhere. Next time Heat don’t bring it, get Riley in that locker room to yell at them all. And if he too old to do that, DM me. I got lots of time and could use some extra flow.

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Arturo Gaudi

Arturo Gaudi eats, sleeps and drinks all things Miami Heat.