Is Miami Mayor Francis Suarez Running for President or Trying to Get Laid?

Last time I remember laughing at a presidential announcement was when Donald Trump rode down an escalator and improvised one-liners that had him seem one part Rodney Dangerfield and another part Benito Mussolini. So maybe I shouldn’t completely discount Miami Mayor Francis Suarez for his ridiculous video that came out a couple weeks ago announcing he’s running for president.

Suarez after all wouldn’t be the first President to have trouble speaking in coherent complete sentences.  But he is probably the first president to make his announcement in a video that could double for a thirst trap dating profile. And Francis Suarez is definitely the first person to announce his candidacy while wearing shorts.

If you take a couple minutes to watch the video, based on the concept that Suarez is running for President because he actually loves running, you’ll see Francis Suarez is a guy who is in impeccable physical shape. He refuses to shave the hair off his legs, but he is not beneath styling the hair on his head, so not a strand goes out of place.

But the Suarez of this video does have his struggles. First he seems to have a hard time figuring out how to high five people, second he seems to get lost fairly easily as he needs to ask a woman for directions during his jog. Perhaps most uncomfortable is the difficulties he has communicating in the voiceover narration.

But as silly as this video might seem to be,  perhaps Francis Suarez has caught on to a winning formula in what people want to vote for in president. It’s not competence or charisma. America wants a president people can laugh at. First we had four years of Trump whose arrogant bravado and ignorance was right out of a comedy sketch. The last few years we’ve had Joe Biden who has mixed the doddering confusion of Mr. Magoo and disappeared long enough that one can imagine we’re living in a remake of Weekend at Bernie’s.

Now Mayor Suarez has added a new comedic template, that of the Himbo who mas more muscles than brain cells. This would create all kinds of new punchlines. From this video anyway Francis Suarez looks like he could provide all the wackiness and hijinks the American electorate demands in their leader.

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David Rolland

David Rolland edits the Jitney blog. He is the author of the novels Yo-Yo & The End of the Century.