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It’s a Wonderful Miami Life – A Christmas Story

It’s Christmas Eve 2022. Jorge Bailez stands atop the Rickenbacker Bridge ready to jump off and end it all. Jorge has been going through a tough time. He spent his life savings on the cryptocurrency Miamicoin which has dwindled to zero. His social media influencer wife Gloria has threatened to leave him. Even his beloved Miami Dolphins football team are suffering another December collapse.

“Goodbye cruel world,” Jorge says as he’s about to take the plunge.

Fortunately people do care about Jorge. His wife, his son Jorge Jr., his daughter Glorita, even his best friend Javi all pray for Jorge’s well being. Angels hear these prayers and send aspiring angel Karen Odbooty to save Jorge in order to earn her wings.

Just before Jorge is about to jump he sees Karen dive into the water. Jorge jumps in to save her. Jorge swims her to Hobie Beach. Karen hams it up, “You saved me. My hero! Um, can you get your hands off my nipples. I’m safe now.”

The adrenaline wears off for Jorge. He sits down on the beach looking at the Miami skyline pitying himself. “I’m glad you’re alive. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I had never been born.”

“You can’t mean that. The world would be a much drearier place without you Jorge Bailez. Let me show you.”

Karen uses her pseudo-angelic powers to reveal an alternate reality. “If you had never been born, Miami would not be called Miami. They would have renamed it DJKhaledLand.” Jorge walks around with Karen to learn this DJKhaledLand is much different from Miami. People don’t cut in line at the store. Drivers let cars with their turn signals on go in front of them.  Bars only charge $4 for a beer.

“Look what would have happened to your friend Javi if you were never born.” They see Javi is an accountant with a wife and kids in a handsome Coral Gables home.

“His life looks boring.”

“Yes,” Karen says. “He could have graduated from college if you hadn’t insisted he got another drink in the Grove before driving you home when he got arrested for a DUI. But let’s see your wife, Gloria, surely her life wouldn’t be as rewarding with her 889 Instagram followers without you.”

Gloria lives in the penthouse of a South Beach condo. “She’s richer,” Karen says, “but surely her life is more shallow.”

Gloria interrupts this thought by telling her handsome husband, “Come on dear, lets go to the homeless shelter to feed those less fortunate than us.”

Karen grasps for straws, “Without you your two lovely children would never have been born.” But then they see Karen go into the children’s rooms where Jorge Jr. is wrapping presents for needy kids and Glorita is researching a cure for cancer.

Karen walks around the streets of  DJKhalidLand to see everyone is more caring, considerate, and thoughtful in a Miami without Jorge. Karen despairs. It looks like this angel might not get her wings after all. But then Jorge surprises her, “Karen, help me. Get me back to my wife and kids. I want to live again! Please Karen let me live again. I don’t want to see everyone so happy without me.”

All of a sudden  DJKhalidland reverts to Miami. People skip lines, cars on the highway block ambulances, beers cost $10 plus added gratuity. Jorge runs home as fast as he can wishing everyone a “Merry Christmas”, on the way.

Jorge gets home just in time for the Noche Buena party. The pig has been roasted. The rum has been served. The kids are on their tablets and his wife filming selfies all ignore him. Only his best friend Javi pays his entrance any mind, “Hey look, it’s Mr. Broke MiamiCoin Man. How’s that bank account? Down to zero yet? Haha!”

Jorge sees a gift addressed to him under the Christmas tree. He sees a card that says, “Dear Jorge, Remember no man is a failure, as long as he can ruin somebody’s day. Thanks for the wings! Love, Karen.”

Jorge opens the gift to see it’s a roll of toilet paper made up of MiamiCoin cryptocurrency. The whole party starts singing “Feliz Navidad”.

Jorge joins in with a big smile on his face and tells them all, “It really is a wonderful life! Merry Christmas everyone! Merry Christmas!”

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