Mary May I – How Can I Get Myself Focused?

Welcome to Mary May I where Mary C. Smith dispenses all types of wisdom. If you have a question for Mary that needs answering you can ask her  at  [email protected]. All correspondence is confidential and anonymous.

I just can’t focus, not because of old age (LOL) but just can’t. I go to do something, like sign up for a seminar or something to enrich myself and I just can’t commit.  When the time comes for the seminar or webinar or whatever, I just don’t do it…can’t turn things off!  I want to do the 75Hard, and I can’t get started….want to eat better and I can’t get started…want to walk more, do more, learn more. HELP! – Deflated in Doral

75 hard? May I recommend 30 mild? 15 soft? Set some realistic expectations for yourself for starters. One goal at a time girl. That first step doesn’t have to be a doozy, it’s just a decision. Take human bites! Meaning something manageable and achievable. Then when you hit your target, you will get some confidence.  When you get some confidence you will feel better, when you feel better, you will do better.  Start with drinking a gallon of water a day.  I know that is part of the 75 hard.  Do that for 5, 10, 15 days in a row.  The number doesn’t matter, this is all a mind game, one that you can win!  You need to beat your ego at it’s own game.  The ego loves comfort and safety.  When you are working to make changes, moving out of your comfort zone  and risk need to be embraced. You are caught in the double whammy wheel of self sabotage. You sign up for something that will make you feel better, you don’t go, you beat yourself up for not going.  I don’t know what your destructive behavior is for disappointment, but mine is not pretty. This perpetuates the vicious cycles we create. You obviously have some interest, you signed up, right?  Identify the disconnect. You might need someone beyond yourself to answer to. 

 I’m a good person. I deserve things. I want to be healthy. 

So what’s the hold up? Well, I need to tell you that the people that want healthy bodies, but can’t seem to get it together to consistently do the things that will get them there, have some deep seated sadness and self worth issues.  Your body is THE ONLY thing that you need to care for.  Your body doesn’t care about the laundry or the dirty dishes or what’s new on TV.

Let’s take a peek at some things people do commit to. 





Reading, etc.  You get the gist.

These things aren’t bad or unhealthy, but your physical body isn’t impressed with them.  Maybe you are using these things to avoid practicing some self care.  This takes us back to the self worth issue. Let’s try one gallon of water a day combined with 30 minutes of exercise. (preferably on an empty stomach, if you really want results) I will even do it with you.  Maybe there are other readers that would like to join! You need only focus on yourself and your health.  All of the other stuff, and I mean all of it can kick rocks.  I have to mention the fact that we seek aggressive changes, and then we get discouraged when we can’t maintain.  My colleague Maureen Cidzik, @muddy.lotus.coaching says it best, “Our well being isn’t a battle, no more crushing, killing, or slaying anything.” and I can’t agree more. We all know that slow and steady wins the race.   Want further motivation beyond feeling, looking and thinking better? You need to know that it is ok to put yourself first.  You have permission.  Come up with some kind of reward at the end of your first 10 day challenge. For me, the key is having accountability. Somebody to check in with and answer to keeps my competitive spirit happy.  You hit your first 10 and I will give you a free coaching call that will prob help you succeed at hitting 20 days.  You would be surprised at the patterns and programs that I can bring to light in 30 minutes.  Give it a try, you have nothing to lose except that low vibration of fear, unworthiness and disconnection.

Liked it? Take a second to support The Jitney on Patreon! The Jitney needs gas. Please donate or become a Patron here
Become a patron at Patreon!

Mary C. Smith

Smart, funny, honest, practical and sometimes in-your-face advice on relationships, being single, and self care. Catch her radio show GenXtra Sundays at 11 on