Miami Hurricanes Will Steal FSU’s Lame Turnover Backpack and Fill It With Turnover Chains and Send the Noles Packing

The Miami Hurricanes are going to kick some serious FSU butt Saturday. We have extra motivation this year. Not only are we a better team, we have home field advantage. We need to redeem ourselves from that heart breaking stupid ’16 blocked extra point game. And we need to redeem our Game 1 loss to LSU. This is the game of the year!

In addition, our swag factor is next level offended because the stupid, silly, lame Noles, once again, have tried to bite Canes swagger with that atrocious turnover backpack. What a joke! Whoever came up with that idea needs to be sent packing back to BFE aka Tally.

This is how it’s going to go down this Saturday.

Miami Hurricanes Will Steal Bag

Joe Jackson and Shaquille Quarterman single handed on defense will acquire enough dope UM turnover chains to fill one of FSU’s lame backpacks. But we need to steal one to put the chains in.

Maybe DeeJay Dallas will weave his way through FSU’s lame defense, until maybe, maybe they will push him out-of-bounds because they can’t tackle. And once out-of-out bounds DeeJay Johnson, because he’s speedier than The Flash, can just pull some ninja tactics and grab a backpack and bring it back to the Canes bench.

Or, maybe Homer Simpson can just truck his way through the weak Noles front line and saunter over to the bench and grab one.

Or, maybe Darrell Langham can jump, literally and figuratively, over the entire FSU team and grab it.

You know what? There are 100 ways we can grab one of those weak backpacks. But this is what the Miami Hurricanes need to do.

Sebastian is a Sneaky Ibis

Give the backpack to Sebastian.

Sebastian then wears the backpack after every score as we run it up.


till the Noles go home packing, backpack less.

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J.J. Colagrande

Has written about Miami culture for almost twenty years, first with The Miami Herald, then Miami New Times and Huffington Post. He's the publisher of The Jitney and a full-time professor.