New Driving Rules & Regulations Going into Effect in Miami-Dade on April 1

  • 67
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
    67
    Shares

This is just a friendly reminder to all drivers in Miami-Dade County about the new rules and regulationsĀ  that go into effect April 1 to help us stay a little safer on the road.

  • Breathalyzers will not just test for B.A.L. (Blood Alcohol Level), but also B.C.L. (Blood Cafecito Level).
  • Drivers who do not pull to the right for emergency vehicles, become ineligible to receive aid from emergency services for the next five years or until they gain a conscience, whichever comes first.
  • All automobiles must be brought in for rewiring so thatĀ  changing lanes without putting on your turn signal givesĀ  said driver a minor electric shock.
  • Speeding up to prevent a driver with their turn signal on from changing lanes will lead to a major electric shock.
  • Driving slow in the passing lane will lead to an electric chair caliber shock.
  • All Uber and Lyft drivers who block traffic to drop off or pick up passengers will have a banana stuck up their tail pipe.
  • That previous rule was not in any way a sexual double entendre.
  • Unless that is the Uber or Lyft driver is extremely egregious in blocking traffic .
  • Honking the horn less than two seconds after the light turns green will cause honker’s car speakers to blast talk radio at maximum volume for the remainder of their journey.
  • Taking more than three seconds to move after light turns green will cause slowpoke’s car speakers to blast talk radio at maximum volume for the remainder of their natural lives.
  • Sadly, this is all an April Fool’s joke, so Miami you may continue to drive like maniacs without fear of appropriate consequences.

 

David Rolland

David Rolland edits the JitneyBooks.com blog. He is the author of the novel The End of the Century.