This is just a friendly reminder to all drivers in Miami-Dade County about the new rules and regulations that go into effect April 1 to help us stay a little safer on the road.
- Breathalyzers will not just test for B.A.L. (Blood Alcohol Level), but also B.C.L. (Blood Cafecito Level).
- Drivers who do not pull to the right for emergency vehicles, become ineligible to receive aid from emergency services for the next five years or until they gain a conscience, whichever comes first.
- All automobiles must be brought in for rewiring so that changing lanes without putting on your turn signal gives said driver a minor electric shock.
- Speeding up to prevent a driver with their turn signal on from changing lanes will lead to a major electric shock.
- Driving slow in the passing lane will lead to an electric chair caliber shock.
- All Uber and Lyft drivers who block traffic to drop off or pick up passengers will have a banana stuck up their tail pipe.
- That previous rule was not in any way a sexual double entendre.
- Unless that is the Uber or Lyft driver is extremely egregious in blocking traffic .
- Honking the horn less than two seconds after the light turns green will cause honker’s car speakers to blast talk radio at maximum volume for the remainder of their journey.
- Taking more than three seconds to move after light turns green will cause slowpoke’s car speakers to blast talk radio at maximum volume for the remainder of their natural lives.
- Sadly, this is all an April Fool’s joke, so Miami you may continue to drive like maniacs without fear of appropriate consequences.