People say that there are no seasons in Florida. To those people I say you’re just not paying attention. We might not have the traditional signifiers like leaves changing color, nor snow. But on South Beach where I call home, there are definitely four distinct seasons, and I’m going to take the time to run through them with you.
Spring Break Season
This past Spring Break the usual chaos wasn’t present, but I’m going to blame that on El Niño, La Niña or some other Spanish language freak weather occurrence, and assume next year, the calendar will be right on schedule of lasting between the first of March through Memorial Day Weekend.
You can tell it’s Spring Break season by the masses of bodies on the sands and on the streets of Ocean Drive. At night you can hear the sounds of gunshots and sniff the seasonal aroma of burning blunts.
It’s So Hot I’m going to Melt Season
From Memorial Day into the Middle of August, you might as well just camp out in the Atlantic Ocean. If you stay on land you’ll be just as wet from perspiration as you would have been if you stayed swimming. On a positive note driving around town and finding parking is easy during this season as anyone with the slightest amount of disposable income has left town.
Hurricane Season
Also known by wild fruit foragers as sea grape season, from mid-August to the beginning of November newscasters and anxiety spreaders do the best to ruin our buzz with the fear of an apocalyptic storm somewhere in the Atlantic heading to shore. Supermarkets will suddenly have long lines and empty shelves as residents who watch too much news fear life as we know it will soon end. For those who never experienced hurricane season, imagine a hyper-localized, abbreviated version of the early days of the COVID shutdown.
Art Basel Season
Art Basel truly only lasts for one week in early December, where the rich and sophisticated take over, but the season really lasts from Thanksgiving until the Spring Breakers scare them off. This is the season when our weather is nicest. You might occasionally need a sweater and will have to think twice about jumping in the water when the temperature gets below eighty degrees.
