What If Curb Your Enthusiasm Was Set in Miami? Episode 1

The  comedy institution Curb Your Enthusiasm is calling it wraps. After 24 calendar years and 12 seasons Larry David has shouted to anyone that will listen that Curb Your Enthusiasm is over after this season.

But he’s said that before. What if Larry just needs to recharge his batteries and find new inspiration?

If that’s the case, may we suggest to Mr. David a move to Miami? No one does petty grievances quite like our Magic City. Here’s what an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm set in Miami could look like in an episode titled, “The Service Charge”.

EXT. Lincoln Road Sidewalk Cafe – Day

LARRY, JEFF, and LEON finish lunch.

LARRY: I got to say. The food here is awful.

JEFF: And such small portions!

LEON: If the food’s going to be bad. Give me a lot of it. I don’t want to go out to eat and then be hungry. Then I got to eat again and I already lost my appetite.

The WAITRESS drops off the check at their table. Larry looks at it in shock.

LARRY: This can’t be right. They add a 20 % service charge.

JEFF: Let me see that. What?!? That should only be for parties of six or more.

LEON: That’s unconstitutional.

LARRY: And then they have the nerve to ask for  an additional tip on top of that?

JEFF: That’s insane.

LARRY: Excuse me Miss! I think you made a mistake here. There’s a service charge already included on this bill.

Waitress walks over to table.

WAITRESS: That’s so the staff can get paid.

LARRY: Doesn’t the restaurant pay you?

WAITRESS:  Not enough.

JEFF: Well if a $10 salad has an automatic 20 % service charge, why not just list it as $12 on the menu?

WAITRESS: I just work here.

Waitress walks off.

LARRY: She didn’t even let me ask why they have a line for an additional tip on top of that.

LEON: Give me that. You know what that line is for? It’s to draw a penis on it.

JEFF: And what’s with the automatic tip being 20%?

LARRY: Overnight it went from 15% to 20%. And that was 15 before tax.

LEON: How do you like this tip?

Leon shows off his drawing of a penis on the tip line.

LARRY: Pretty, pretty, pretty good.

Cue the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme music.

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David Rolland

David Rolland edits the Jitney blog. He is the author of the novels Yo-Yo & The End of the Century.